Healing Happens

Impact Story for Shame Management

Healing Toxic Shame

Bekky's Story

Bekky sought support due to a work-related traumatic injury that caused a short-term disability and temporary suspension of work. During her time home recovering, she experienced debilitating shame, loss of identity, inadequacy, depression, and intense fear. With Heidi’s support, Bekky was able to see that her successful career was actually like a mask for shame-based deeply-embedded old beliefs from childhood. Without being able to work, the truth of those painful beliefs returned along with the toxic shame, making her question herself, her value, her worth, and her life. Their work together uncovered:

Core toxic shame-based identity
Self-criticism, self-abandonment, and needlessness
Unsustainable and unfulfilling patterns of perfectionism/overachieving
Inability to feel safe, intimate, and trust in relationships
Chronic fear of judgment and failure

Reclaiming
her True Self

The Healing Journey

Heidi: "Together, Bekky and I worked at peeling back the layers of protection she had built to survive growing up in an extremely wounded, alcoholic, codependent family. She had taken on the role of hero in her family to survive, and those traits transferred into her career, continuing to keep the pain and shame buried behind success, achievement, and others' validation. As we peeled back the layers, she did the courageous work of releasing the pain to unlock the old beliefs, revealing the truth of her authentic brilliance. She understood how the toxic shame had caused the abandonment of her true self and began reclaiming her true power."

Bekky: "I was always chasing this identity because I didn't have a foundation of being whole or loved. I learned how to recognize in my close personal relationships how triggers would show up for me and then trace them back to where the trauma occurred when I was younger and what the story in my head is telling me. That whole inner language of what makes you triggered, and where does that come from?"

Bekky's
Transformation
Courage & Empowerment

Heidi: Bekky had always been brave but starting to walk through life without the over-achievement she'd built to survive was absolutely fearless. I watched her push through one trigger at a time, each time growing her knowledge of her inner thoughts and feelings, building solid self-awareness, intimacy, and true self-esteem. Bekky traded in her rigidity and defensiveness for openness and connectedness, enriching all her relationships, especially with herself. Those changes opened up her world to richer creativity, confidence, and relaxation. She finally took her life back from the shame.

Understanding Shame and Boundaries:

Bekky: "Understanding shame helped me become a little softer, and it always benefits me to be a little more vulnerable. Shame is a language, and the more I learn about it, the more I can observe it in others. I can see where shame affects people and where they are in life and how pain or shame comes out sideways. Then, it's easy to have compassion for them and not let it trigger me or make me think I did something wrong. This is not about me; this is about them and their shame".

Access vulnerability & authenticity

Bekky: "Being able to recognize your emotions, feel them, see where they're at on the Richter Scale, see if that's a reasonable response. And then being able to re-evaluate your values around it, why is it triggering these things, and what work you need to do. It certainly allowed me to be more vulnerable and increase the quality of my relationships. It's like my authenticity, which has always been a significant value to me, but this feels even more authentic."

Love changes everything

Bekky: These things impact all aspects of how you see and see yourself in the world. So it affected everything. It generally affects your relationships, your work relationships, your relationship with yourself and the universe, and having faith that good things happen to you. It's hard to say. Like other parts of my life, it'd be easier to say what it has not affected. And I wouldn't have an answer because I quit my job and I'm an artist now. So THAT IS BIG!

Bekky:

"Heidi has hope and faith and really believes that you're going to go forward. She believes in people, and she believes in me. I mean, she's been there! Her experience in trying really hard to fit into a dysfunctional family and make life work and her whole life story before she started recovery. That type of experience is just a big part of her value. She can connect with people. She knows what it's like. Her experience sets her apart and wraps it all up in a really great package that she's not just talking and writing books because she likes to listen to herself talk. It's because she wants to share the pain that other people are going through and alleviate it."

Complimentary Coaching Session

Living From the Heart's no-obligation complimentary session starts off with a 30-minute call where we uncover specific goals or challenges that you’re currently facing in your life.

These may include:

Self defeating behaviors
Feeling numb or empty
Unhealthy relationships patterns
A Tough life transition

From here we can collaboratively determine if there's a good fit between us, and the areas where you need support. Just fill out this form and I'll reach out to schedule your complimentary session.

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Heidi Anderson