About Heidi Anderson

Heidi's "Why" Story

My qualifications as a Life Coach are best described in one word. Experience

"The only source of knowledge is experience." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm a survivor

I have survived and recovered from shame, abuse, trauma, incest, drug addiction, PTSD, love addiction, traumatic injury, codependency, workaholism, depression, obsession, enmeshment, fantasy addiction, co-sex addiction, infidelity, panic disorder, blocked memory syndrome and bulimia. Not necessarily in that order! (lol) Like many of you, my struggle started with being raised in a dysfunctional family plagued with addiction and abuse.

The quest for happiness

When I escaped my toxic family, I naively thought my worst days were behind me, and even though I felt lost and broken, I tried to move on with life in my twenties, never understanding what ‘it’ was that kept me from being happy. I spent much of my life using external people, things, or circumstances to fix my feelings, only to realize these events were temporary repair. I got married, and that fixed it for a while. I had a child, and that also fixed it temporarily. I went to counseling and graduated college, and I thought that fixed it. Life was difficult trying to be normal and feel better, but these short-lived 'fixes' were only band-aids for my codependence, PTSD, and addictive patterns. It perpetuated in my late 20’s, when I had an affair, which fixed it again. I divorced and became promiscuous, which also fixed it for a while. I started using drugs, hit bottom with drugs, and got clean, which fixed it again. I got married again and had another child, once more fixing it for a while. I found out my husband cheated on me and hit bottom with love addiction, and NOTHING fixed it again for a V E R Y long time. I stepped up my game and began emotional recovery from my codependency and love addiction, and that fixed it for a while. Fast forward a few years, and I had gotten through the LA withdrawal, and I was single, safe, and sane. Life improved as I got better, but something was still missing. I still felt like I could never be happy, and I feared it was the love I was still missing. I wasn’t wrong. Just not in the way I thought.

Discovering fantasy addiction

Finally, with lots of counseling, step-work, prayer, and the willingness that comes from being painfully exhausted, I found the culprit. It was built right into each Ah-Ha, each bottom, each broken-hearted, desperate measure to improve my life. It was a fantasy addiction. WTF!?! What even IS that!? Well, let me explain. My body, mind, and soul were still inundated with toxic shame from the Trauma, abuse, addictions, and codependency. Toxic shame is so debilitating that we would do anything not to feel it, be, and live in it, so we learn to abandon ourselves and live in our minds. My brain imagined a substitute fantasy life I could obsessively think about to escape my body’s feelings. This played out as simple as a to-do list and as complex as a dream about falling in love with Mr. Right. This is how I lived every day. My thoughts would search for the thought that made the feelings okay, which caused me to realize I didn’t know how to live in the present, in reality, and ultimately in me, in my feelings, and my body. I didn’t know how to live at all. I was always in a story about my life that was future based, so I never knew how actually to BE HERE in the NOW.

I am uncovering sneaky little unconscious trauma responses

This is a sneaky little trauma response! For me, this realization was a slap upside my frontal lobe. My life had been bottom after bottom after bottom and a constant struggle to start over and rebuild. That was the perfect condition for fantasy addiction—the witch-hunt for what was wrong with me and then the fantasy of what would fix it. I was perpetually living an illusionary life that was ten steps ahead of ANYWHERE I WAS NOT. Let me say that in a different way. I would abandon my authentic self (me, in this moment, with these feelings, in this reality) and create a story of who/how I would be when….[insert fantasy here]. They say addiction can be summed up as ‘looking for something on the outside to try to fix something on the inside.’ Well, fantasy addiction was my creative way for ME to get outside myself to try fixing something inside of me. And out there, I can make up anything I want to fix how I feel…the only thing is that for it to work, I must believe it. In other words, the dopamine doesn’t download unless I think it’s true.

Overcoming withdrawal

So as I continued to stay clean, go to counseling, and thaw out my emotions, fantasy stopped working, and I went into withdrawal. In fact, the more intelligent, wiser, more educated, and more self-aware I became…the more cunning I had to be at self-deception, denial, and distraction to keep withdrawal at bay. That’s why it felt so crazy and like recovery wasn’t working. I used a fantasy addiction daily like a heroin addict and didn’t even know it. Here’s the “I wish I knew then, what I know now” piece. I cost myself so much grief by resisting the pain of withdrawal by trying to stay in control with over-planning, perfectionism, self-analyzing, busyness, and witch-hunting. I always focused on the search for what was wrong with me and didn’t allow the development of what was right with me. I was stuck for years in shame and self-criticism, trapped on a hamster wheel of fantasy addiction, not knowing that the answer was to stop and BE. And when I finally did stop…I realized why I hadn’t for so many years. Withdrawal is a Bitch. It was all I could do to be with myself, in my feelings, without thinking and obsessing or working or planning or or or! It made me want to vomit, get high, eat a gallon of ice cream, rage, run, and hide. But with a lot of help and prayers, I hung in there and got through the PTSD, panic, and shame.

Moving past surviving and starting to live

And then the gifts came. Who knew that I could be okay just being myself? Who knew I could be okay if I didn’t have my whole life figured out? Who knew that I could pause, rest, or play? Who knew I could build an inner sanctuary of health and loving care where I would always be safe and home? Who knew that I could have happiness now… at this moment. It took a lot of practice to live in the present instead of a story in my head. There’s a physiological healing that has to take place to rewire your brain, and it’s chemical training. Healing takes time. I am worthy. I believe in myself. I am so grateful to no longer have to pay a price for happiness. Today my joy is real, tangible, and sustainable. It’s not something I chase and then continuously sabotage or deny myself. I feel deserving of it. I can relish in it, create it and SHARE it!

If I can Recover, YOU CAN TOO!

So now you know why I love being a Life Coach. Yes, Trauma sucks. But the result of doing my work is that it is a great joy to be an inspiration, a cheerleader, a guide through the darkness, a friend, and a healing companion to others willing to do their work. I know you wouldn’t be here without struggling with pain or confusion. If only I knew then what I know now! If you’re committed to restoring your happiness and well-being and can relate to my story, I invite you to allow me to support you through your dark night of the soul and your emergence into the light. Following another’s lead offers shelter, shortcuts, and a life preserver to keep you afloat as you navigate the tumultuous waters of healing codependency and its addictions. If I can do it, you can do it! We can and deserve to ALL heal, and it brings me great joy and purpose to make a difference!

Heidi's Trauma Story

Training & Certification

Life Coaching Certification
2019

Mission & Vision

Mission

My mission is to listen, guide and heal those struggling with the effects of a dysfunctional childhood. To provide trustworthy tools and relatable experiences to overcome codependency and trauma. Offering a safe, nurturing space to be authentic, to experience vulnerability without shame, helping to remove blocks in order to awaken to a well-being that lives within and connects us.

Vision

With clarity and care we can all know in our hearts how precious and powerful we are. We can heal, reclaim our wholeness, awaken, fall in love with ourselves, end the cycle and finally create the happy childhood we deserve. We can follow our inner compass to emotional freedom and beyond.

Values

I Believe that:

Each of us has a powerful inner compass and it can be restored
Our child within is the key to our feelings and our trauma
Shame that is underlying all codependency is a lie
Our willingness to be honest with ourselves is our most valuable tool
Vulnerability is essential for healing and self-esteem
The universe supports our journey to well-being
If we learn to live in harmony with life, our lives will change
Intimacy with self and others is the only way to feel truly loved
The ache in our heart isn’t usually for another’s love, it’s for our own
Recovery and healing is a lifestyle, not a quick fix
We are spiritual beings having a human experience
Our true nature is love and harmony, not shame and fear
We are each cherished and guided by our own higher power
Life is a mystery we are designed to respect and unravel
Our deepest fears will become our greatest strengths
All our power is in this moment and change is within our reach
Understanding the cause of our behavior is crucial to sustainable change
Our own journey of self-love and intimacy is the power of true healing
In recovery, responsibility is important, but authenticity is vital
Boundaries are how we show ourselves we’re valuable
What we think about ourselves is often reflected in another’s abusive behavior
Change is inevitable so we’re best to make friends with it
We are all less important and more valuable than we think
Honoring our feelings is essential for recovery
We can heal our wounds, resolve our regrets and forgive ourselves and others
Living from the heart is necessary for wholeness and happiness
We all need support, care and community to heal and maintain wellness

Complimentary Coaching Session

Living From the Heart's no-obligation complimentary session starts off with a 30-minute call where we uncover specific goals or challenges that you’re currently facing in your life.

These may include:

Self defeating behaviors
Feeling numb or empty
Unhealthy relationships patterns
A Tough life transition

From here we can collaboratively determine if there's a good fit between us, and the areas where you need support. Just fill out this form and I'll reach out to schedule your complimentary session.

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Heidi Anderson